Healthy, Secure Relationship: How Your Attachment Style Affects the Stability of Your Love Life

Do you experience loving relationship as a roller coaster, or as a warm, secure nest? Are your interactions with your beloved relaxed, or antagonistic, or worrisome?  Do you keep yearning for an ideal relationship that seems just out of reach? Are you settling for a partnership that keeps eating away at you with a vague dissatisfaction? Does one partner in your relationship seem more committed and trusting than the other?

The new science of Adult Attachment explains all of these circumstances.  A gathering body of research shows that the attachment style which we develop in our family of origin influences our adult relationships, and about 70 to 75% of adults retain that same relationship style throughout their entire lives.  However, as evolving beings we can learn from our experience and change relationship patterns.  25 to 30% of adults do change their basic pattern of attachment, in some cases becoming more secure in their approach to connecting with others, while in other cases becoming less secure.  The good news is that research demonstrates that with conscious development, we can actually train our way into more satisfying relationships.

Adult Attachment theory states that all of us have a biologically determined need to connect with others.  We are social beings, designed for significant relationship with others. Structures in our brain and hormonal system create and regulate those social and intimate connections.  In some cases that system generates a secure feeling of attachment, while in others we might feel anxious about our relationship, or else alternate between our desire to connect with another and our desire to remain free and independent.

The clarity that results from identifying these relationship structures provide us with guidance on how to find the relationships that you want in your life, and how to keep that love strong and secure.  You can quite easily determine your own attachment style. If you are not in a relationship, this knowledge can help you select, or eliminate, potential partners more confidently.

If you are already in relationship, you can also determine the attachment style of your partner.  With that insight, you have an “operating manual” that can help you know what one another need to feel safe, learn how to give your partner the types of reassurance that they need to hear, and to ask for what you need more accurately and confidently.

Coach Basin will be offering a workshop called:

Securely Connected

The Science of Finding and Keeping Love in Your Life

on February 16th, 2013 from 12:30-4:30pm at Wildcat Studio 2547 8th St. Berkeley.  To learn more,  CLICK HERE.

Dance Walking

Working out is tedious. Most people can only survive the boredom of a gym workout because they plug into the television set above the treadmill as they grind out the identical miles of steps, or distract themselves counting sets and reps on the weights.

However, when you are able to create an form of exercise that you enjoy more than being sedentary, it is easy and natural for you to choose activity over lethargy. Just as gravity pulls relentlessly, we are wired to choose things that we more enjoy over things we don’t.

This is one man’s solution. He combined three of his favorite activities–seeing the city, walking, and dancing–into a new modality he calls Dance Walking. See how much fun you can have taking care of your physical well-being:

Feed Your Nerves

Multiple Schlerosis is deadly and incurable.  Yet this doctor rolled back her symptoms by changing what she ate.  Diet as a way to improve mental health and neuronal functioning? Yes!  What you eat affects every system in your body.

Watch this inspiring TED talk video:

Changing Your Life–It’s Possible!

Every one of us is working with challenges and limitations.  Here is an inspiring story about a disabled and overweight veteran who gets a coach and finds personal motivation and physical tools to change his life.  If he can do it, so can you!  Grab a tissue, this one has made me cry every time I’ve watched it…